Taking Better Care of Myself.

Since I returned home from school a few weeks ago, I've been feeling rather unhappy with myself. I've never been overwhelmingly skinny, fit, pretty, or anything physically remarkable, but I've been feeling particularly repulsive for the past few weeks.

During the weeks leading up to finals, stress just consumed me, as it consumes most when finals roll around. With that stress came staying up late on AIM with Tyler and Ali or on Skype with Casey, oversleeping, giving up on my horribly butchered hair, and consuming a diet consisting of solely Triscuits, chocolate-covered Chewy bars, animal crackers and diet Pepsi. Not healthy. Not one bit.

And, trust me, I felt that diet long after it passed through my mouth, down my esophagus, and into the bubbling pit of hydrochloric acid, potassium chloride, and sodium chloride that is my stomach. I looked paler than usual, which is a feat in and of its own, and I noticed some things getting a little more uncomfortable. But, being lazy, stressed, and...lazy...I didn't want to do anything about it.

A few days after I moved back home, I went shopping with my mom for some new clothes, and, while looking for a new skirt, I found that I had gone up a size. Mind you, I had been the same pants size since about eighth grade to the end of this school year, so this was a bit jarring for me. I promptly bought a pair of cross-trainers to remedy this unwanted growth.

I started to run about two miles almost every day. This kind of started something inside of me; if I was going to try and get in shape, I might as well take care of myself totally. I got a new haircut which fixed the seemingly unfixable damage that I had done to my bangs; I started using teeth-whitening strips to fix my smile; I started taking a lot better care of my face, washing it, scrubbing it, and using a light moisturizer on it.

I'm also on Weight Watchers now. I realize that I have to take control of not only my physical appearance, but my actual health as well. I'm hoping to have lost twenty pounds by September.

I'm going in a good direction now and I feel really good about it. I'm taking charge of my own life, which has been really difficult for me over the past year and a half. Exercising no longer is something that I dread and loathe, but something that makes me feel accomplished, relaxed, and actually kind of happy.

It's the best time for me to be doing this. I'm starting at a new school as a JUNIOR IN HIGH SCHOOL in September. I may as well walk through those intimidating, slightly institutional doors confident, healthy, and looking pretty damn good. I want to be that new girl that everyone is wondering about, not that weird girl who came in the middle of high school.

I have two exams tomorrow, Spanish at 7:20 and Math B (a composite of Geometry and Algebra II/Trigonometry, although I've already completed Precalculus) at 11:30. I have to get up at 6:00 to take a shower and get ready, so I should probably go to bed.

Goodnight, moon.

-xo